Insomnia, depression,

I hate the fact that your natural clock goes haywire.  Why do I say this its b cause there are times you are sleeping fine going to bed early.  Then your sleep pattern goes haywire, and you find yourself writing on your blog at 2am.  Like I am doing right now.  I get so sleepy but then I can't sleep until the wee hours of the night.

Now doctors  associate this with depression but I don't feel depressed.  Actually I have been feeling better for weeks now.  Like the calm before the storm.  So why can't I sleep, do I have something in the recess part of my mind that is causing me trouble with getting to sleep early.   

All I feel is that I have been feeling scared.  Like something terrible is going to happen.  I know my cousin is very sick and I know he is not going to make it.  But that doesn't make depressed , it makes me so sad so very sad.  I try not to think about. I have come to terms with it.  

I have lost so many loved ones that I think I am becoming numb to it all.

I have been thinking of the positive things in my life.  I am expecting a grandson.  He is to be born any minute, but he is being hard headed like his mom, my daughter.  This is the second baby to be born into our family in a matter of a month and a half.  The first one is a girl.  My first grand daughter.  But it pains me to say that I don't see her much.  But I sure am waiting for this baby to be born.  Hopefully I will be able to inter act with this baby more since the mother is my daughter.

Well guys in that note I will leave you now.  I am going to try and get some sleep since her due day is today Dec 3rd.  Well I know she hasn't felt anything.  But I was like that also then all of a sudden my water broke.  So I need to get some sleep just in case I have to rush out to the hospital.

I will keep you all informed......